Where does the fault lie?

Prewarning : this post is written in extreme anger. Some words and references may seem offensive but i dont really care. If you want to read. Go ahead. If you want to answer my questions please do. If you plan on getting judgemental and sling shit on me, the comments column is right below. Feel free.


Situation 1.

A 7 year old girl just done with her dance classes and is waiting outside her school for her parents to pick her up. Usually she stays inside but today she decided to stand at the gate and save the trouble for her parents to walk all the way inside the campus. It was a saturday afternoon and the road was deserted. She was waiting around playing with her pretty pink teddy bear. She looks up to see a man standing next to her. The little innocence in her failed to see what the man was upto. He was playing with her pigtails and asking her name and asked if she wanted chocolates. When she said No. He offered to show her something and promised to let her touch it. All she said to him was "uncle i dont talk to strangers and please cover your shame shame". Right at the moment she saw her parents at a distance and walked towards them unaware of what ever that just happened. It was only when she reached home and her mom asked her about the man did she realise that he was the bogey man that her mom told her to strictly avoid. And also the reason why she should stay in a safe place with adults around. She did not realise the gravity of what had happened to her. But since then she lived with the fear of bogey man who she thought never existed. The bogey man because of whom she could not go out to play alone.


Situation 2:

A 16 year old girl all excited to go to her grandma's place for vacation. And this was the first time her mom was letting her go alone. That meant travelling a 4 hour bus drive alone. Super excited she was standing at the bus stop waiting for the second bus. It was getting a bit late she realised. And she looked around to see a lot of passengers waiting. She hoped to get a seat but it looked highly unlikely, as the people at the bus stop looked like they were waiting for the same bus. She looked around staring at each passenger just to search for a familiar face. A creepy man was staring at her. She ignored him thinking maybe he was just reading the bill board behind her. Finally she heard the bus honk from a distance. She gathered her bags and stood ready. There was a huge rush of people trying to get into the bus. She held her bags close to her and tried to get in. She was only nudged between the crowd of people. Just when she found the foot hold of the bus and tried to step in, she felt an unmistakable hand on her chest. That creeped her and stunned her she stepped in, looked back and ignored it, maybe its just the crowd. As luck would have it, she did not get a seat. She had to stand in between a sea of people. The bus moved along taking along the sardine packed passengers. That very instance she felt someone holding her at the wrong place. She looked back, kicked her shoes really hard on the guy. Punched him too. And yelled a screeching scream. The bus stopped. The conductor came to her and asked her what the problem was? She was just perplexed and confused the guy was trying to run away. She pointed out to him and told them "he touched me." but before anyone could do anything that creepy man had disappeared. And the girl was given stares as though it was her fault. Like her clothes were the problem. Like the fact that she was the girl was a problem. They even told her to relax. Such things happen at crowded places. Too shocked by the reaction of the on lookers she reached home crying. And when her relatives asked her what happened. They threw a spat to never let her go alone anywhere.


Situation 3.

A 21 year old girl attended her first night out. A college party. She promised her mom she ll be home before 9. Considering that the city she lived was shut by 8 and bus services run only till ten, she made it a point to leave the party by 9. Still elated and high by the good time she had with her friends she got into her bus wrapped comfortably in her jacket she was all smiles. She got down at her stop and walked towards home. It was pitch dark and the lane looked deserted except for a few vehicles zooming by. A man came walking by her and touched her. Before she could turn back he walked away swiftly . She screamt a loud curse and that coward just ran like the wind. She traced her steps towards home and told her mom what had happened. The only reaction she got from her mom was a long lecture about going out for night outs and parties and walking the lonely road at night.


All these three situations could be Me or anyone for that matter. Everyone must have gone through such horrifying experiences. But then here comes the part that actually tears you apart. The stunned, helpless feeling that you did not do anything to stop it. The anger inside you that wants you to kill that person. You promise yourself next time you ll be careful. You ll hit back. But when next time happens its the same vicious cycle. You are stunned shocked and taken aback.

To everyone out there who has heard this happen to a friend or someone, am sure you gave this advice to them "You should have wacked the hell out of that creep". Trust me! not a good advice. Its not easy to fish out that pepper spray or stun gun right in time and disable the creepy men. First you are just stunned and taken aback. Next you feel numb and motionless. Your vocal chords give up on you. Your reflexes lose it too.

Do not ever scold them by telling them "You should never walk that lane alone". First things first sometimes even the lane well lit and with whole lot of people around incidents like this do happen.

"oh good atleast you are safe and you were not raped" thats the last thing a victim wants to hear. Yeah she may feel good that she is on the safer side but that can just give that person nightmares and trauma.

"Dress well next time". Like seriously? you think a 7 year kid wearing a frock is provocative. Its the not the clothes or the attitude. Its those perverted sense of brains that these creeps have. And its not initiated by clothes or the place or the time.

So someone please answer me. What pleasure do these uncouth men get by touching women and pouncing on them. And is it a woman's fault that she walked that lane alone, or she did not get a bus that was empty, or she preferred to wait at a bus stop than take an auto late at night?

Is this why we celebrate International Men's Day? That men are experts at getting creepy and scaring women?

MMS - Mangalore Memories Syndrome

It all started friday night with Drawer pestering me on how much fun it would be to just get up hop on the bus and come home with her to mlore. My mangalore. All thanks to her i suddenly fell homesick. I tried hard to finish work as soon as possible. With a pounding head and work piling up i worked like i was on red bull but nothing seems to be getting done on time. I gave up, no way could i get it done on time. That made me all sulky and moody. I wanted to go home. I wanted to go home. That was all that was ringing in my head. Even the big bar of chocolate did not cheer me up. I was all sulky the whole friday night and no i was not pms-ing it was more like mms-ing (Mangalore Memories Syndrome). Haunted by it whole night long. I had dreams and nightmares about ppl from my mlore life.

Saturday morning i decided its time i did the most dreaded activity. SHOPPING. And lets see if retail therapy can work its wonders. Trust me it never did. I always hated shopping. And always will. Cousin happily tagged along and we started off on the maniac journey in the streets of blore. I was hoping that we could just sit on the bus and stare at the vehicles whizzing away. But as luck would be it, we stepped into an over packed bus. We were packed in like sardines. Reminded me of the mlore buses. Where the conductor would not spare even an inch or a centimeter, and stuff passengers into the bus. The bus dangerously tilting and
chugging along the road. Same experience here. Except i never got to smell anyone's armpits. Thank God for the Volvo buses. But yeah I stood the whole way. Whole freaking hour. I reminded myself no thinking of home. No getting sulky. No haunting memories to make me home sick.

Famished by just that ride we decided to have lunch first. And we went to this restaurant called Kudla. Oh yes its a mangalorean restaurant. There its in my system now am missing home more than ever. But it was a good thing. The restaurant did remind me of home in a good way. The false wooden ceiling reminded me of my grandma's house and we both cousins just could not stop getting nostalgic about the old days. Blame it on the place or the food. I could not help it. The kori rotti, the bangda fry, and prawn masala rice just stuffed my happy tummy with nice mlorean memories. Conversing in tulu with the waiters and the owner, it truly felt home like. But still made me sulky. I wanted to go home. .

And then we walked all the way to brigades. Again nostalgia crept in. The long walks i took to go anywhere. The walks i took home. The walks i took to college. The way i kept pestering my friends. "Lets just walk". This was just not helping. I want to go home.

That was it! i told myself no sulky mood. Am going to enjoy this day. We went to a shoe place to buy some slippers. And i dont know what came over me i started bargaining in tulu. That wasn't the surprising part. The baffling part is when the shop guy responded in tulu. I did not know whether to hug him there or just give him the money and scoot. Thats what i did, i just scooted from there. Could not bargain.

While walking around the place i saw someone familiar. I did a double take only to realise i was seeing things. How the hell can a person come all the way here just for a day. This is just not helping me. I got sulky again. Distracted myself by shopping. Went about spending on things that i would not normally spend so much on. Retail therapy just does not help.

Too tired with all the exercise of shutting myself away from mlore memories. I had enough i told my sister. Lets just go home. We could not get a direct bus. So we got down at marathalli and she took me to this store. THE MANGALORE STORES. It had everything mlore in it. Red rice. Green chakkulli's, beaten rice, rose cookies, cockum. All sorts of other food items. The famous SRR masala packets just hit me hard. They are the same masala makers that manufacture those lovely masalas right near my place. I remember walking past that place and i could smell chillis and strong garam masalas. Who am i kidding. I cant run away from mlore memories. It will stick and stay with me forever like a leech.

Not to forget i ended my day to a nice tender coconut. The sweet water and and creamy malai just lifted my mood right there. Best part i atleast found my little mlore here in the maddening blore. No more sulky me. If i cant go home. I ll get home here. Time to start loving this place. Time to start making memories of Bangalore.

Funny assumptions...

I haven't blogged for ages. If i could make excuses here are some. I was too busy with work. I forgot my user id and password. Okay lame excuses i know. Absolutely no reason to not blog. But frankly speaking i had nothing worthwhile happening to blog okay maybe the new phone. But then frankly speaking i was too lazy. And the move to the new city was just too depressing. Hate the city and the people here. Work is my only respite. I love work. Wait for mondays. Hate fridays. So all said and done i finally found something to blog about.

Something funny happened a few days ago. It is actually depressing but i found humour in it. So here's what happened. I sprained my foot on an unfortunate tuesday and was limping about for the next three days with an ugly pink crepe band
aged foot. Pity flew in all over. Stories were also cooked up about how i fell. Which i just hated. I wanted to just sit and close my ears and not hear the sympathy. And worse part the pain in my foot made me immobile. I could not walk the elegant walk anymore. Name calling started. Limpy lucy, langdi tyagi and so on.Friday i took a day off from work stayed at home to sulk. Took the doctors appointment finally and decided to go for it.

That same day a friend of mine called me up saying he was near my place and was free for a few hours and we could meet up. With nothing left to do i dragged my limp along. Auto drivers took pity on me and quoted an exuberant price of 50 for half a kilometer. Cursing them i preferred to walk. But then hopped into a bus. Yes for just one stop. Stupid ankle. And i limped my way to the food court. With people staring at me. And then my friend comes in with his dislocated wrist wrapped in an ugly pink crepe bandage. It looked terrible. He became captain hook and i became limpy lucy. Suddenly i realised the name calling that i indulged in. And so when we began talking did i realise that all eyes were on us. People were just staring. They did not have the courtesy to even look away when i returned the stare. Thats when we both realised people can actually cook up stories about our injuries. They may think that we had the same accident and are now meeting after it. Considering that he is going to join work in a few days and start working in the same business park as me there will be lovely stories and name calling going about. Assumptions just fly about just by looking at somebody or something.

And then he decided to walk me till the clinic. Stares continued. From my foot till his dislocated wrist. Broken for each other some would think. And then he left. Too embarrassed to walk inside am sure cause his case of dislocated wrist would be more exciting for the doctor than my simple sprained ankle. Spoke to the receptionist and enquired if the doctor was in. I had to wait for half an hour she told me. Thats when she chatted up with me asking me how i injured my foot. Then she asked me "That boy who was outside with You, did he fall with You, While trying to save You?" *facepalm*

Star Gazer

Slowly the night sky enveloped her,
Tearing apart her every hope. She
Abhorred the pain that
Ripped her heart and stole her spirit.




Groping in the dark she searched,
An abode that felt like home, that her
Zealous spirit longed for,
Eager was she to smile again, with
Rekindled hope she looked up and in that very dark night saw her STAR,................ and she became the STAR GAZER.



Another attempt at acrostic poetry. With a dedication to someone who has made me strong in my weakness and also weak in my strength. :)

Mr Interesting

**This post is coming up after my friend said its worth blogging about. Drawer if i get tomatoes i am parcelling them all to you.**



Am now safe in the new city. No incidents of getting lost. except for a few misdirections and stuff. But yeah am well settled with my new job and all. But then i was still not happy. I was very home sick. Was still introspecting on whether it was worth coming all the way here for my career which was as it is in doldrums.

The new job was fabulous. Great team, awesome ambience and all that jazz. Everyone i met, spoke about how cool the place was. And what a sexed out place it is to be in. The kind of work culture and networking that happens made me feel like i was in some fairyland.


But i felt worse than a confused alice in wonderland. Then THIS happened. I was very home sick. Everyday returning to my place late from work was always depressing. Its another thing that i stayed in one end of the city. Just the thought of going off to sleep without hearing mom's nagging or dad's laughter or bro's snoring made me miserable. And everytime i took the company cab, i was either alone. Or i had people who were too busy with their blackberries.


And the kind of looks that i get from the transport manager whenever i mention the place where i stay made me feel worse. He always puts me in a cab alone. Cause no one stays my way. So basically i used to feel lost and alone on the trip back home. Nobody to converse with sometimes. Nobody at home either to ask how my day went. Cause by the time i reach, my cousin would be fast asleep.

So this fine day i was lucky to have someone come my way. We were both put in the same cab. He stayed somewhere close to my place. I could not see his face clearly cause it was dark and i was damn sleepy. The first question he asked 'How was your day?' and that started it all. The entire ride home we spoke. We spoke about work. And he gave me some valuable career advice. He spoke the real nitty gritty facts about the workplace. About what really works here. Unlike the people i met who just spoke about how cool the place is or how cool the parties are.


That thirty or twenty minute conversation i had, felt like i met a mentor. I was awed. I slept a peaceful sleep. It was the best conversation i had in a long time.




The next day i tried to recall. What the hell was his name? Racked my brains hard. Yes i know am very terrible with names and faces. I just could not recall. I tried all possible combinations and permutations of what i heard was his name.


On reaching work i pinged drawer. Told her about my cab ride. I tried to find him on the office web portal. I knew he worked in the same floor as mine.



I had to find him. I looked at every guy closely. Stared at them trying to recall. Was it him? I think people would have wondered whats wrong with me?


For once i was wondering if he even was real. Maybe if my life was any interesting (i know i keep quoting this everytime), he must have been some ghost who wanted to show me the reality.

So i was still searching on the office portal and the communicator and finally i looked up from my work screen and i see a guy walking past my desk and i almost jumped. Oh yes it was him. Immediately his name came to me. :)

That just made my day. I got busy afterwards and just could not speak to him. All though he sits just three rows away from me.

During lunch breaks and coffee breaks we crossed each other and just exchanged hi's. I thought i would catch him for coffee or if i walked by his desk but i just could not. And then it was almost the end of the day. I decided to leave early and just has i was leaving i saw him shaking hands with everyone. I guessed maybe he was just wishing everyone a happy extended weekend. Monday being the strike. I met him later in the basement and we were put in the same cab. Another interesting ride, i said to myself. Then he looks at me and says "today is my last day. I quit."

I was speechless i had nothing to say. I think i said something foolish that i could not remember. "All i could say was, dude you told me stuff last night that inspired me. Now you tell me this". And then he tells me. "forget about what ever i bitch about work. Dont let that scare you. Work is a bitch but Just work like you love it. Be proactive. I had trouble with my work life balance. You are lucky to have a nice team so make the best use of it."


And that was it. I will be back to boring cab rides alone. I thought i found a mentor but now he is no longer at my work place. Where ever you are mr interesting, you just found a fan.






P.S. I had tweeted about mr interesting so i thought he owed a blog too.

LOST!!!

No, this post is not a review on the season finale of the tv series LOST.

Dont even bother asking me about it cause I have stopped watching it after season one I guess.

I am constantly accused of being a wandering, dreaming soul. After my sleepwalking episode people have even considered me to have a slight chance of schizophrenia. I still take it as a joke. (its a joke right?)

So after having a really bad day. With a lot of arguements with a people who care about me. I was returning from a friend's place. I think the stupid jerk in me offended certain people and that fired my bad mood more. I did not intend to. And I dont even know in what way did i mean offence. Pondering over it, I walked to the bus depot where, well, there were many buses lined up. I got into a bus. Green one, did not bother looking at the number cause I knew that this particular bus had to take me home.

Normally it takes me only 15mins to reach home. I was in my own thoughts. Did not realise it was past 30mins. I look around and I can see the bus is packed with people. The streets looked very unfamiliar. I could not even recognise even the street signs.
First emotion:PANIC. But I was still rooted on my seat. Still scratching my head. I should be somewhere near my place even if the bus took a different route.

I looked right to see if I could ask the woman next to me, where the hell I was. She was fast asleep with a big plastic bag on her lap. No way could I get out of my seat without waking her up. And I had no guts to wake her up.

The women in front of me were busy chatting away about their teenage children. And how they never come home on time and lie about being stuck in traffic. Bad idea!! I cant ask them either. So no use looking back and asking the men behind me either. They were too busy chewing pan and spitting out the window.

I decided I would get down at a stop which is familiar and then take an auto from there. But no way could I even remember coming to this part of the city. 19 yrs here and I think am LOST. Just a day before moving away to a new city am lost in my own home town.

The lanes that the bus went through were dark and I had no idea where I was. Finally I heard a stop name. Suterpet. The name scared me more than the men oogling at my confused face.

Finally I had enough I got up woke the sleeping lady with the big bag. Made my way across the crowd of people, got felt up, I guess, but I had the panic of getting off, more than hitting back.

Once I had my feet on the ground, even though it was an unfamiliar place, I could finally breathe. Looked around not a man or a woman in sight. Only dogs and owls hooting in the trees. Behind me were high walls. And i din't even want to think what was behind it. But i guess if it was a cemetery it would make this an even more interesting story than if it was just some house with high fence walls.

So I walk for 2mins till I see an auto and ask him first "where am I?" he looks at me as though I was some ghost. Not wanting to here his answer I tell him where I need to go. Silently praying please let it not be far I just got 30rs in my wallet. I got in and did not even bother looking around as to where I am. I dont want to know. Only when I saw the familiar hospital did i pray a silent happy prayer. But the irony of it all its the fr mullers hospital which also has a mental hospital ward. (dont laugh).

And I finally reach home which by the way is next to a hospital. No not a mental hospital.


I still cant seem to chuckle over the fact that I got lost in my own home town just a day before I move to a new city.

I stare at my packed bags and wonder. More adventures to come or will I be put in a jacket.








P.S. Dont judge me after this. Friends who know me well enough know why i wrote this. :) :) its for humour's sake

Sleepwalking or...................????

Today was one fuzzy morning I can’t remember bits of it at all.... No am not suffering from a hangover because I do remember that I did not drink.... but then I think, I had a Chocolate, which must have caused it. Am sure it was laced with something, cause I am in a state now that makes me scratch my head.

Starting with the following
1. I woke up in my bed... What’s unusual you ask? Well, I clearly remember falling asleep on the couch. How I got to my bed, is what baffles me. I must have sleepwalked.

2. I walked out of the house all set to go to work with my bag and slippers, only when I looked down did I realize I was wearing my night pyjamas. I think I was sleepwalking.

3. So I dressed up and was talking to mom as I pulled out the perfume bottle and was about to squirt it when mom screamed and snatched the bottle and said " that's the pain relief spray you nut". I think I was sleepwalking.

4. I stopped an auto near my place got into it and told him where I had to go, the auto driver looks at me puzzled wondering if I was just lazy or whether he was seriously that lucky. Only after he asked me again did Ii realize that Ii told him my house address rather than my office address. *facepalm* Travelling in an auto for a 2 meter distance the driver says “I am sleepwalking”.

5. I get down and walk towards my office, I see the mad lady. There is this lady who apparently went loony after an ugly tiff with her lover. Rumours say that she was very beautiful and had the most beautiful blue eyes ever, which are now veiled behind her mangled hair that cover half her face. And I in my sleepwalking state, stop right in front of her and stare at her eyes for one whole minute just to check if her eyes were blue. She looks at me and rants something and walks past. I was sleepwalking

6. I step into my work place and I get a phone call from one of my clients after all the details were said and confirmed I close the call with a greeting that went like this, "thank you Nithin, good night". And I realized that only after I dropped the call. But then am excused because the phone call was from the States and technically it was night there. Was it not?

7. I realized my phone was missing. Tried to recall, whether I left it at home or in the auto? I tried calling it, but no response so guessed it had to be at home. I borrowed my colleague’s phone and msgd dad that my phone was at home and to tell mom to call me ASAP. 4 hours went by and no call from dad or mom. Then it struck me I msgd my own number. DUH!!! I was sleepwalking.

8. I was wondering why the hell, my system at work not switching on. Banged at it, fiddled with the UPS. Only to realize I had not plugged it in :( I was sleepwalking.

9. Half the phone calls that came in today i addressed them with a gender switch. Sir's became madams and vice versa. I was Sleep talking.

10. I sat at the wrong desk, and was wondering why there wasn’t any AC at my place. I was sleepwalking.


I think I was sleepwalking. Because after a solid yelling, 5 crashes of the firefox, My water bottle spilling all its contents on the printer, I can effectively blame my sleepiness.

I was sleepwalking because I would definitely not hum 'Hey there Delilah' when my boss was yelling at me.

Or maybe am schizophrenic because I just saw a yellow bunny wearing a red hat and a joker’s mask while I was typing this blog out..... Or I guess that's just the party animal...




I don't know what it was…………………………………



I AM SLEEPWALKING.






PS. just before i posted i get an IM why are u acting so weird?.... Hmmm now i wonder what i did?