Tuesday, December 25, 2012
The walls long to hear the sighs of sweet joys. Don't let them forget our music.
The couch has gone cold and needs your warmth. The telly is being watched but prefers watching you.
Of lying beside you, of being watched while I sleep, of sweet nothing's whispered. Come back soon
Saturday, December 15, 2012
After all that wishing for a perfect birthday and it turned not close to perfect at all. Or maybe it did.
I officially hate my birthday as goes all my posts. Here is my theory you turn a year older, yeah good thing. But do you deserve it? Did you do good the whole year. What's your key achievement? If nothing comes into your head you know you ll jus have a sucky birthday.
I try to jot down my happy things.
2. 4 amazing people who will be on list.
3. I was secret Santa to so many people
And I could not count further. Either an unaware or am seriously out of things to count.
So I made a deal with God. Make me see snow. Make me happy.
So the day before my birthday I am in Edinburgh wishing it will snow when I get back to London.
Lying on the ground were these dried leaves and grass covered in frost. That kept my hopes high. I will see snow.
Europe trip could not happen before my 24 birthday. But my snow wish had to come true.
Reached London feeling super ill and super low. Had a rift with a friend yes on the night of my birthday. And also caused a rift with my friends back home. I had people yelling at me. And all I could do was sulk.
Perfect start to my new year.
So the next morning the day of my birthday. I went to another birthday party.
A 1 year olds birthday. On my way in the cab I was talking to my friends of how I wished for snow. A perfect gift for my day. Just that exact moment I could see flakes of white drifting in the wind and falling on the busy street. I squealed more like screeched. "It's snowing"
But to my utter dismay my joy was short lived. The cabbie laughed and said its fake. Some commercial shop was using it part of their promotions. Sulked the whole ride to the party. And the cabbie just smiles at me and said "Happy birthday am sure snow is not the only thing that will make your birthday a happy one"
And he was right. I had an awesome time at the kids birthday with whom I shared my birthday.
My friends came over later in the evening and got me idli sambar. Yes idli sambar in London. The happy replacement for a cake. That with a nice bottle of wine.
And we went out dancing. So it was a Happy Birthday.
Not a perfect one like I wished for. But I know when I get back home to India. It will be all made up for. My hope for snow will remain.
Monday, June 25, 2012
4.30 am on a Monday morning. Yes the favourite day of the week Let's not get into monday theory for today and divulge on the love theory for a bit. Yes its official now I have joined the #foreveralone club with my cynical attitude towards the love life of mine. Rather a lack of it.
Every typical girl dreams that same day her knight in shining armour will come in a white steed and take her away to some far off place. Not my dream. Yes there was a time I must have imagined a disney love story for myself. Not anymore its never gonna happen. Not dismissing men by saying they are all losers who will crush your soul and put you into an abyss that will make you wish again for some fairy or prince to rescue you. am just saying it is not possible.
Ideal men don't exist. Exceptions in favour which for me, shall not happen. Some adorable dating couples I know are perfect. The boy gets soup for her from her favourite restaurant when she is too sick to cook. At the same time I know of couples where the boy makes the girl chauffer him to his college reunion and makes her go home alone. Second exception most likely to happen to me if I ever had a car or a bf. Or I might end up paying him a cab fare and I would be stranded alone with no money and my phone dead.
And am way too adorable and also way too independent few of the reasons why dating anyone would be wrong. I come across as a hyper and happy girl. Ideal girl for some. But here s the glitch this cynical pessimistic attitude towards love has made me lose out on so much. I know to set it right I need to change. Here is the problem I can't seem to.
There is no such thing as true love. Its just but a game of roulette. You find someone perfect today. Great conversations, happy laughs, same interests, all that jazz. Then what? How do you know its forever? The conversations die, the smiles fade, new interests come up. I have been asked out by some perfect men, ideal men but then I don't like this dating game. To stay in it a task in itself and the players seem like losers. So its best I don't play the game where I need to be tagged to someone always and have an exit strategy.
Mom has doubts I have swung the other way. Its hard to explain that am just confused. I never want to date anyone. Maybe someday someone will sweep me off my feet and give me the whirlwind romance I deserve but that said it will NEVER happen to me. Yep pessimistic I shall be always on this.
I have my friends and family till then, who ll get me soup when am sick, or take me for icecream when i need it most, or pick me up from my wild crazy adventures. But then eventually they ll get their priorities in a different order and i ll be forever alone and old.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Happy smile on my face can be blamed on the box of Godivas
Throbbing headaches have begun again and am hoping my its all okay.
Annoying neighbours are having a party and I spotted a cute guy.
Instagram, Fancy, pininterest are just addictive.
He did not talk to me or smile at me today. Will live with yesterday's memory of his chat.
I still am un-romantic but has a huge crush on an utter loser.
There is no food in the house again, breakfast shall be had at Alila, and i complain of going broke everyday.
Obsession with the new Kid is fading.
Am still awesome. And i have survived.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
A perfect holiday spot. where everything is right. Where your career is a Breeze. Your life is one amazing cafe at the beach. Where all you have to do is put up your legs in bliss.
But then that evil man in the white coat brings you back.
I want to stay in DENIAL my life is amazing there.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
And yes Attention Seeker, Drama Queen is now playing a very important part in the play of her life.
And YES I AM FINE :D
And i thought i am not a romantic, apparently i am. Treating people like projects, bringing smiles to even the meanest idiots, always smiling. I need to stop being so happy go lucky in life
Yes Yoda i did.
What if you realised that in 20 mins your life is gonna change. Maybe for the better or for the worse.
That dream trip may come true but what happens to you in the next 20 mins can ruin your chances for it.
That one phone call you longed for will not happen if you do something you are not meant to in the next 20 mins
Twenty mins in that white magnetic field chamber has changed the course of my life. My dream trip is not gonna happen. I am never gonna make that phone call. People around me are going to look at me in a different light. You will realise that all that you dreamed about is just a make believe.
Twenty mins and your life can change.
Hoping that this all this just goes back to normal in the next 20 hours and it does not turn into a drama that am making of it.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Everyday you meet people, everyday you lose people. And the encounters define or mar your life. This post comes from a series of encounters i have had with different people over a long time. As one good friend said to me "people are projects to you right? " he said it in a way that even i would not have been able to put it across.
Every time you are questioned on your actions, as to why do you even care about someone, why do you sometimes justify even their meanest actions. Humans are complicated. Nothing can be done about that.Its this complication that challenges you. You try to justify everything that a person does to you. All those someones that you are nice to return your goodness or try to hurt you.
Someone insults you, you try to understand why. Someone breaks your heart you justify it by saying Your heart is meant to be broken. Everyone is weird in their own ways, they will never agree to it.Your biggest Nemesis, the one who makes you judge your own weird self suddenly becomes your obsession. You know you will hurt yourself but you still continue to touch that nerve. You know its not worth but you still give it a shot.
Why? because you are just curious too see beyond that complication. You love the chaos. You are nice to the meanest person, why? Cause people are your projects you want to see what makes them hate you. And then all these complicatedly simple people become part of your life. To all the someones you are the same. you can't hate anyone and you can't avoid anyone.
Someone who'll sweep you off your feet.
Someone who'll leave you small little notes.
Someone who gives you a smile everyday in spite of just having the worst day.
Someone who'll slap you in the middle of the road to put sense into your head.
Someone who leaves you stranded in the middle of a deserted road.
Someone who pulls your hair out of that messy bun.
Someone who sends you strawberry smileys because of the private joke between you'll.
Someone who promises to get you a souvenir and ends up getting it one size big.
Someone who you thought hates your guts but secretly loved to make you smile.
Someone sends you pink flowers.
Some one's vengeful words becomes your private humour.
Some one's unnoticed intentions come clear to you.
Some one's secret admiration becomes weird to you.
Someone who never had a picture clicked with you.
Someone who thinks your giggles are the weirdest thing ever.
Someone who hates to pose but clicks that awesome picture with you.
Someone treats you like a queen.
Someone who loves to see you cry.
Someone who hates your face.
Someone who loves to bug you, till you crack.
Someone who has a new nick name for you.
Someone to whom you'll always be their secret Santa.
Someone to whom you'll be JUST a friend.
Someone who'll walk all over you and you let them do
One fine day you do something stupid and you start regretting all that you did. All the nice things that you ever did. Blaming yourself for letting a someone walk over you and trample your spirit. You smile despite that.
And in the mess and complications you met another someone. Someone you thought you'd never meet ever again. And you meet them at the strangest place ever. A police station in the middle of nowhere, where you are filing a complaint for the other chaos that struck your life.
And this person just looks at you and you wonder if you should begin the conversation with a "how have you been" or just smile. And like the foolish thing that you are, you say
"how come here?".
To which he smiles that smile which you wanted to hate but never could.
"Being your Knight in Shiny shoes"
His sense of humour never stops. i swore i hated it before but i giggled this time. Past all forgotten.
And with that you become the someone who was at the police station distraught and helpless and the one person who you thought never cared, that one familiar face you never wanted to see becomes your hope in a very awkward way indeed. and you become theirs.
To all those someones you were their someone too. And one day your deed shall be returned. Cause life is strange and People are stranger than life itself.
Its 1 am i know and i always speak my mind when sleepy, and they never make any sense. If you did understand what's written here do let me know, cause i can never understand my ownself.